Can You Ever Get Enough Hugs? How do you feel?

I have also posted this over at my main blog FortySomethingFirstTimeMum.  I welcome comments on both blogs!


Can you ever get enough hugs?  The answer for some, would be a resounding yes because they don't consider themselves to be huggy people. They are uncomfortable with touchy, feely people and so they retreat from, rather than respond to the hugs.

The answer for others, like my mother and other senior citizens that I have asked, would be no, because they simply do not get many, if any at all.

I would consider myself to be slightly resistant to hugs. I feel a little uncomfortable and find it hard to hug back. My brothers, who were never particularly huggy growing up, now greet and say goodbye with one. At a kiddie's party the other week, it was as if people could sense this from me as they didn't greet me with a hug as they did with others. I always feel a certain caginess about hugging and I wonder why, since I do feel good when I am given one.  I wonder if it's because of my background or if its just something inert in me.  As my Dad got older he used to give us what we called 'bone crusher' hugs, but I can't remember him doing that when we were younger. My mother hugged us a lot as children, but not so much when we grew up.

Yet, as a mother, I have no difficulty in accepting hugs from my little son.  There is nothing that fills me with so much joy as a hug from those little arms.  My mother loves to get hugs from her grandchildren as do many of her friends with theirs.  They say they simply don't get as many these days.  As their spouses and close relatives and friends are passing on, the hugs are few and far between.  Since I heard this, I have been making efforts to hug my mother much more. Sometimes it's hard, after a conversation where I am being criticised as only mothers can do with their daughters, but I do it anyway. Though she wants and accepts the hugs and always seems delighted, I can still sense a kind of reticence where she wants to respond but holds back.  If we get hugged less as we get older, I better start giving and receiving more now!

Once, on a family holiday to France, we passed through Barcelona.  In the square, at the Cathedral, it felt like such a happy place.  There were people hanging around with signs offering 'free hugs' and there were people just going up to avail of them.  For someone who is slightly nervous of being hugged,  I felt compelled to give and receive one.  The feeling was very strong and I thought I might actually do it.  Then I looked at my parents-in-law who are quite reserved and knew they wouldn't approve.  My father in law thought they were weirdos and since I often suspect he thinks I am too, I decided against it!  They were more interested in entering the Cathedral for the latin mass so that is what I ended up doing too.  It was beautiful but I would have preferred a free hug, given that I am usually so reserved about them.

There is even a facebook page and a website dedicated to the 'Free Hugs'  Check out this picture.

There is a woman known as 'Amma' who travels the world hugging people.  She believes in the loving healing power of the hug.  Apparently she has hugged more than 20 million people in all parts of the world.  Now there is someone who is not afraid of hugs!

Am I alone with my feelings on this?  How do you feel about hugs?

Growing Old In Ireland

I went back to yoga this morning after a few weeks absence due to illness, fatigue and family matters.

It was fantastic to get back to it, to feel so alive again.  I had made half hearted attempts to practice daily but could manage no more than a few minutes a day.  I had some kind of virus which knocked my energy out of me, resulting in a throat infection, a cough, a sinus infection and culminating with a sty in my eye! Nice!

I certainly needed to get to class this morning to reconnect with myself and to restore my inner calm.  My elderly mother had been upset because she found out that her home carer is being taken away from her. This revelation has such a domino effect and upsets a lot of people.  My mother needs this help as you will know if you read my blog post over at my main blog.  It upsets my mother, her immediate family, her friends in similar situations and the carers themselves.

After the class, the meditation and the relaxation, I decided that rather than just be upset about it, I would take action.  It's a small action that may also have a domino effect if I pursue it.  I decided to write about it on my blog, post it to various radio and tv programmes and send personal emails to various government ministers.

A fitting quote to end on  'Say what you want to say when you have the feeling and the chance. My greatest regrets are the things I did not do, the opportunities missed and the things unsaid'. (J Keller)

Yoga - Boring or Beneficial?

The other day a friend of mine asked me why I bothered going to yoga class.  She said that any time she had tried yoga, she found it to be boring and futile.  She felt it was far preferable to go to a zumba or kettlebells workout class.  Much more fun apparently, and  you burn off calories and lose weight.

I could see her point to a degree. I mean, who doesn't want to burn off calories and keep trim and fit?  However, I know, from experience that yoga can do this too.  I have often found myself sweating the calories away when trying to hold a pose.  Okay, I may have to breathe gently into the posture, but every minute, calories are still being burnt.  In fact, I lost 17lbs in my first year of doing yoga, because yoga actually made me more aware of the rubbish I was allowing into my body.So, it has helped me to lose weight and it has definitely helped my flexibility.  I could not bend without back pain before and now I can touch my toes! I have since put 7lbs back on but I haven't been devoting as much time to my practice as I want to. However, I am still more aware than I was before I took up yoga!

Yes, yoga may seem boring at first.  I thought this when I first tried a class many years ago.  The problem back then was that I associated stillness with boredom.  When I started yoga again in my forties, I had a totally different experience.  The stillness that we practice in meditation, relaxation and the actual asanas/postures helps me to connect to something within me that I didn't know was even there.  It makes me slow down and connect to my inner self. Every body part we take our mind to in relaxation makes me grateful to be alive.  It helps me to accept the body I have and even more, the person  I am.

I haven't always felt like this so discovering yoga properly has been a fantastic thing for me. Sure, I would still like to be slimmer, more relaxed, more sanguine.  But hey, I can still strive for these things but not be devastated and depressed when I don't acquire them.

What do others think?

Recording Moments without living Them......

The bus is waiting for people to complete boarding. It is hot and I shift uncomfortably in my seat.  My eyes are drawn to what is going on outside.  In the square, children are riding on Greek donkeys. A father follows alongside the donkeys holding a camera.  He is recording every moment of his childrens' adventure.

I know how that goes.  You want every moment of your child's life to stay in your memory. You try get as much of it as you can on film. Then, if your memory should ever fail you, you have proof that it really happened.  People say, our children grow up so quickly and now I know it's true.  I miss my baby already and he is only four.

As the bus moves off, I glance across at the two men in my life.  They are snoozing gently, man and boy, oblivious to my gaze. I produce my camera and take a photo, then a video. An elderly woman smiles at me knowingly.

It occurs to me that, like the man with the children on the donkeys, I may well be too busy recording moments to really enjoy them. At every turn, on this Greek holiday, I am taking pictures and videos, desperate not to miss anything. But by doing this, am I really able to enjoy what is happening in the moment?

Are we so busy recording events, that we don't actually  get to enjoy living them?  Do we just live the moment over and over later, as we watch the recording back?  Is that when we actually notice things we didn't 'see' at the actual event? I find it bizarre when I really think about it and yet I am compelled to do it.

As I stare out at the passing landscapes of Greece, I resolve to relax the camera and  exercise my memory!  

Stressed Out Yoga Chick

Stressed Out Yoga Chick!

I just HAD to post this after reading it on my FB page. It was posted by the yoganonymous folk!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vUkPMMz9VoU

I am STILL laughing.

Namaste!

Getting Out of Your Head and Into Your Body?

When I expressed how much I had enjoyed a yoga class, one of my fellow  students said 'yes, isn't it great to get out of the head and into the body?'.  At the time I agreed with her, but later, when doing my evening stretches, it struck me that when I was in the flow, that particular evening, I had actually felt out of my body!  

This was a great feeling for me because up until that point, I had often looked at other slimmer, fitter, more experienced people in the class and felt inadequate. Old familiar feelings of negative self image had often risen as I struggled with the poses. I had connected the practice of yoga with what my body looked and felt like. I had done this when practicing at home but particularly during class.

That evening, I began to truly realise that I am not in competition with anyone else, either in yoga or in other parts of my life. I realised that my yoga practice should be less about drawing me in to stronger identification with my body, but rather help me to let go.

By practicing yoga regularly, my body is improving physically anyway and my mind is certainly more peaceful so there is no need to dwell on this.  I just 'know' that this is happening as I 'go with the flow' and do the poses in a 'mindlessly mindful' way.

Natasha Rizopoulos says ' According to Patanjali, it’s the identification with thoughts and feelings that causes suffering not the thoughts and feelings themselves.  So if you can put a tiny bit of distance between them and your sense of who you actually are, then life can be a little bit less painful.  And your mind can be a little bit less hectic.

This is where the familiar practices of Asana and meditation come in.

When you sit, you learn not to engage with every single thought/feeling that enters the fray.  Things come up and you let them float by rather than entering into a (repetitive) dialogue.

Similarly, when you practice postures you learn to use the physical body as a way of focusing your attention in the immediate present, on what is actually happening.  You learn how to corral your attention so that your “fluctuations” are between events that are related in some way, as opposed to the wild roller coaster rides that our minds often take us on.'

I agree with Dr Kristin Shepherd, a chiropractor, actor and speaker when she says:  

http://blogs.yogajournal.com/beginnersmind/2011/08/i-am-not-this-body.html  

Here's the thing. I have to watch myself and be careful that my physical practice doesn't draw me into stronger identification with my body. I know it's happening when I don't love the way I look or feel during practice. I start to measure my inflexibility and be frustrated by it. I become a jealous observer of the woman over there whose wheel looks like a wheel instead of a broken crab. I might as well be in front of a bank of mirrors in a monster gym on these days.

The challenge for me, every day, is to begin by remembering who I am underneath it all.

Do you feel that challenge, or is it easier than all that for you?

Thanks to yoga for inviting us to look deeply.